Been a while

It has been a while since I wrote here.

I guess me starting a business with my friends, despite everyone putting me down, has made me quite busy.

I did post something on facebook a while back and will re-post it here. 

There are people in your life who will stand by you no matter what... whether you succeed or fail. These are your family. They don't measure your worth by outcomes. They believe in you even before you prove anything. They want your happiness, and love you no matter what happens.

And then there are those who disguise their doubt as concern. They speak in warnings, in so-called advice, but what they really do is chip away at your confidence.  They plant fear where there should be curiosity, and hesitation where there should be courage. Before you even take your first step, they tell you that you can't make it because you don’t know anything else. And in the end, they position themselves as the ones who knew better all along -- the heroes of a story you were never allowed to write.

These people are not your friends, nor are they family. They may call themselves that, but they never truly were.

Learning something new always comes with the risk of failure. That's the cost of growth. No one starts as an expert. Every skill, every success, every breakthrough begins with not knowing and choosing to try anyway. That is courage.

So what if you fail?

How do you learn if you never begin?

How do you grow if you're too afraid to fall?

At some point, you have to choose whose voice matters more.. the ones who lift you up, or the ones who tell you that you can't become anything more.

Because failure isn't what stops people.

Never starting is.

I havent been spending for the kids or the house, and putting all my money in a business that will probably not work. And it's fine. Miss Ne and my therapist said it has done me good. 

I meet a lot of new people. And I haven't been stressed about the needs at home. Ison has also changed and has started to become a provider for my children. Not the single bachelor he used to act like where I once wondered if he was just working for himself.

I also have a better relationship with God as I am more active now. Body-wise. Laziness is not something I just give in to when it comes to going to church.

The strangers I meet at the shop, especially older people, they comment and praise and encourage me. I wonder why. They praise the concept and always wish me well without me even prompting them, and me not knowing them at all. Perhaps I have a friendly demeanor. Friendly enough that they talk to me about many things and treat me like part of the community.

Ison once asked me why I have done this. Given I have a good salary and I can just save the extra money. He never understood then. All the sacrifices I have done for them. Energy, time, money.

I bought a lot of things for everybody.. every gift, every device they have. A lot of the food that goes on the table. Most wants, from food panda, from groceries, most appliances, most luho... most bills (except water and electricity). Kumon. Baon. Fare. School needs. Yayas, except one. When they asked me for something.. for games... some clothes... special food... it's all me. And I spend all day with the children while also working. Every single waking hour I am present for them. And then to just know that at any time, I will just be asked to leave this house as if I have no right to it, and to be told I have no use. To not be respected enough in this house, even when I handle almost 50 engineers who respect me for who I am and what I do. The VPs, President, Owner of the company treats me better than how I am treated. I have a superior IQ and yet I am talked to like I am stupid. I give them my time, my most precious thing, and yet that is also disregarded and disrespected.

So yeah. Might as well just spend my money and time FOR me.. all I have ever felt these last few years is that I'm just being used for everyone's benefit.  It is easy to claim "partnership" when you are not the one carrying all the weight.  I have never felt like anyone's partner for more than 15 years now.

Now I don't put money out.  And my time I only give when I say I would give it. Ison has changed into provider mode suddenly. Good. There are pros still. I still pray God makes a miracle and make our business profitable, but if in case it doesn't, I think I have already gained something. My friends said their only ROI is for me to be happy, and they don't really care if money comes back or not. I know who my true family is. I know who has my best interests at heart.

My therapist tells me that success can be defined differently. For some, it may be that business booms and you earn so much money, like how Ison views it. But it seems, he said, that success for me is for "social interest".

Reading thru what this term is

"Coined by psychiatrist Alfred Adler, Social Interest (from the German term Gemeinschaftsgefühl) represents an individual's realization that they are a fundamental part of a community. It marks the shift from being self-absorbed or focused purely on personal problems to feeling a sense of empathy, belonging, and responsibility toward the outside world.

In therapies heavily influenced by Adler's Individual Psychology, developing this trait is considered the primary indicator of mental health. It is the process of realizing that your well-being is intrinsically tied to the welfare of the community around you."

I guess it means my mental health is a bit more healthy now.

That's it.