ugly. fat.

How I feel with every insult that comes from you -- ugly, fat.
And you expect it to not hurt, that these are just jokes you do not mean.

And you ask me to make love to you, in all my ugliness and fatness. You have made me so insecure after I sacrificed this body and this brain to give you 2 boys, and you want me to make love to you after pushing me this down and this low. And you wonder why I say no.

You barely spend time with me, and the only conversations we have are you insulting how I look and how I am, finding ways to make me upset. And then when you need it, you ask and expect it to happen like I am some puta that gets used and then ignored and forgotten right after.

I do not know you anymore. 
Ever since you started hanging out with other people, you have become someone my kids and I do not know anymore. We were okay, weren't we? Why are we not now? Did living life like a single person, acting like a boarder in the house, made you realize you were too good for this family? That I and my children are just too beneath you, you display us like trophies and forget us all the other times? 

I do not know anymore.
I try so hard to scream for help... for attention... for some semblance of love and care.
But you continue with your ways.

I see you do not care. You don't care at all. I can go crazy, and you don't care at all.

I wish you would just hire someone to kill me. This is not the life you said we would try to have.