after everything

long day.
me on the bed with a toddler breastfeeding.
pregnant with my 4th.
hubby on the other side.
both on the phone.
silence.

hubby turns to me, touches my head

"ikaw baya ang pinakalove nako sa tanan.
kahibaw man ka sa?"

and i cried.
i did not say anything.
when your heart gets caught in your throat, it happens. my tears just betray me sometimes.
after all the hurt we have caused each other. after all the words we have said. after all the pain i have given him. after everything.

he still is and will always be the touch of heaven in my life.
he is proof of a heaven that I do not deserve, but could attain only because of love, mercy, and grace.

there will continue to be days we will fight and say words that will hurt, there will continue to be days we will look at each other with anger and hate, there will be those days to come..

but if  one day, I were to lose my memories when I grow old, this moment is the memory I wish to keep... the last memory i wish to remember before i take my dying breath. 

"if it all falls apart.. 

i will know deep in my heart.

the only dream that mattered 

had come true.

in this life, 

i was loved by you"